His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
