I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
