she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
