We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
