My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Boobs speak an international language.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
