Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
