I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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