Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
