She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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