Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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