I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
