my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
