is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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