so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
