I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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