from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize