I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
