I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
