I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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