I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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