I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
