i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i think my cat just said my name.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
