I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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