$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize