Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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