Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
