Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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