It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
