all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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