Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
