you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
