Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
