Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
