I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
