I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize