Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
