Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think i have two assholes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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