I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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