You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize