I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
