It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
