I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
