i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
