For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
