I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize