he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize