end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
