how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
