ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
