Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
