Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
