this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
