i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
