if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
