yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize