Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
