he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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