My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
