He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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