I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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