i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
