I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
