Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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