I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize