i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
babies were throwing up all over the place
My balls are so social today.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
