sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
