no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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